*waving my hands* 
Nina-chan here! I did not post an entry yesterday because, I was thinking of what story could I pull with this word. Although the supermoon did not show itself that night, guess I will have to wait 18 years more to see it again. Insya-Allah. 
Purpose.
"A word that can change a person's life completely. Whether it is one's perspective, one's desires, one's thoughts. Everything will change if a person finds it."
Looking out the window. It was snowing. I love how they sprinkle the road as they fall down from the sky, gracefully. I smiled. In my mind, I picture myself in a pile of snow, just covering myself like a cake that is covered with loads of icing. Although it is cold, I like it. I looked at my blank canvas. Everyone had their own canvases coloured. As for me, I... I don't know what to draw.
Just like my life. It is so soon. I can't think straight. I have to decide which school to go to, as I finished a big exam that will change my life. Is it a college? A private university? Or just a normal public university that I would pick to study in for the rest of next year? I... I just don't know. Everyone had their own ambitions. Everyone had their own dreams. Everyone had their own desires to fulfill. Yet, I am here standing alone in this road. Asking.
"Where am I going?"
Should I take a turn? Should I just walk straight? Should I just... Stay here? Wakaranai. It means "I don't know" in Japanese. At least I have learnt a bit of the language by watching some animes. I used to love watching animes. I can watch a different world that is being presented in an animation and also what the writer thinks through his animations. Although, I admit. It is kind of stupid just watching episodes without a purpose. But some of them taught me the meaning of "life".
Also, I was a nerd in the freshmen year of high school. I was a complete bookworm because I loved to read. I love to read storybooks. I love to read stories because.. Well, they have their own minds. Every story has a different picture that the writer wants to send into a reader's mind. I loved that concept. My parents are my inspirations when it comes to reading a book. They loved reading, so they are my source of recommendations. I chuckled a bit, thinking of them.
I love how goofy they are. I love how my parents are unique and different from others. Although, I get bullied sometimes. I just don't care. They are what they are and I shouldn't be so sad when people give their own critiques about them. I know better. But...
They're gone.
It's been 2 years since they have been gone. I remember it so sharply. I remember walking home, excited to tell my parents about my final exam results. I promised Mummy and Daddy that I would get high marks, this year. Alhamdulillah, I have achieved what I wanted to achieve! I was breathing heavily when walking home, and I was... Surprised? There was a lot of shoes outside the house. A lot of people came out from the house and looked at me, crying. I was so confused.
"Allah loves them more."
Said Ms. Hani, a sister to Mummy. My whole world went blank. I want to, at least show my parents what I have got in this final exam. I hold my result paper tightly in my right hand. I quickly rushed inside the house. I saw two body, lifeless, lying on the floor on a mat, covered in white cloth. Weirdly, I saw them smiling... At me? Tears flowing down my cheeks. I kneel on the floor, I tried to say "Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raaji'un". Mummy taught me that even she is going to go away, she will always be waiting in the other world. She will ask Allah to take care of me if they will be going away. She said, "It's going to be fine, sweetheart." Daddy smiled when she said that.
I looked at their faces for one last time. Mummy, thank you for taking care of me, until I am big girl. You taught me well about world and you made me truly see what the real world is like. It was not so bad, I agree. I promise, I will make you proud no matter where you are. See you in the next life, Insya-Allah. I kissed Mummy's forehead, just like how she kissed me before I went to sleep every night. I dropped some of my tears on to Mummy's forehead, so I brushed it away with my fingers.
Daddy, thank you for taking care of me and Mummy. Even though we are so poor, I am sorry I take what you gave to me for granted. I am sorry for being such a needy person. I am sorry I caused you a lot of trouble. I truly appreciate it when you brought me a cat, although you were allergic to cats. Thank you for being the best father in the world. I hope I will see you in Jannah in the next world. Thank you, Daddy. I then kissed Daddy's forehead.
After Mummy and Daddy passed away, I lived with my granny. Although I don't like it because I prefer living in Malaysia instead of New Zealand, I just stayed with my grandmother. I mean, where else could I go? She was fun, though. I loved walking into the park with granny. She had lots of cats in her house. I studied my English with her. I cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner with her. I did lots of fun stuff with her. Thank you, granny for taking such care of me. Although they are gone now, I appreciate them all for bringing colours in my life.
I looked out the window, for the third time. I was quite alone, here. In this spacious bedroom. I had no one else to talk about me. My future. My destiny. I knew I had rough times in my life, but this was the hardest. I don't know where to go. It's like a road has been shut down, and that's the only road I have to continue my life. I don't know where I am heading to. I am here, alone. Standing in the middle of the road. Just let the snow pouring down from the clouds.
And then, I remembered.
"Sweetheart, remember. If you ever had difficult times choosing something, seek Allah. He knows you more than I do, and sometimes I cannot even be there for you when you are making the most important decision in your life. I need you to stay strong though. Know that I am always there for you, every step you are taking."
Mummy and Daddy looked at me, and hugged me. I smiled and said "Thank you". I remembered, I was just about to take UPSR examination. I brushed the memories off my shoulders. I knew, I have to keep going. I then got out of bed and cleaned myself in the form of wudhu'. I wore my telekung, and prayed at 3 AM. I knew that I wanted to learn about Allah more. He is The Most Merciful, right? Agreed. My heart was pumping, excited to get to know more about my Creator. I wanted to learn more about Him. I smiled. For now, let's just make that desire into my life's...
Purpose.
Nina-chan has to go. See you soon and Assalamualaikum!
